klisemfg Chapter 1 Living Man
Chapter 1 Living Man
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……
The old emperor is really getting worse and worse.
Even drugs don't work.
What a pity for all those beautiful women in the harem.
Shen Zhiyi stood to the old emperor's left, shook her head fiercely, dipped her brush in ink, and quickly made up for the laziness she had indulged in the night before. She wrote in the booklet—
On the 12th day of the 9th month of the 20th year of Emperor Taizong's reign, at the hour of Xu (7-9 PM), the Emperor visited Consort Chen, his virility undiminished, and they made love seven times in one night.
[Sigh, I'm so understanding. The old emperor could have easily defeated me, but I still had to write it seven times against my will.]
Shen Zhiyi paused for a moment, then quickly found an excuse for herself.
[Once per second, seven times in seven seconds—why can't it be seven times in one night? So my daily log does have some credibility, doesn't it?]
"Cough cough cough cough."
Shen Zhiyi subconsciously looked up at the skinny man beside her, who was coughing like a madman, seemingly unafraid of offending the old emperor.
Logically, when the emperor is in the main hall, the Imperial Diarist should be on the left and the Attendant on the right. But for some reason, the old emperor insisted that the two of them stand together.
Thinking herself kind, she decided to offer a gentle reminder, lowering her voice as she said, "Master Zhang, it's been getting chilly lately, did you catch a chill last night?"
[Damn it, I was on night shift last night, and I didn't even catch a cold. What makes you think you have one? Cough, cough, cough, why don't you cough your lungs out?]
Zhang Sheren looked at Shen Zhiyi, who was looking at him with concern, in horror, unable to believe that those vicious words had come from her mouth.
"No, no problem."
Shen Zhiyi nodded and said no more. The concern between colleagues was enough to be expressed verbally.
[Don't cough unless it's absolutely necessary. The old emperor's been in a bad mood this morning, and I don't want to offend him and get dragged off to be beheaded.]
Zhang Sheren: Don't you have any idea why His Majesty is in a bad mood?
The thought of being beheaded filled Shen Zhiyi with anxiety.
She was born in the 21st century, uh, damn college student.
Later that night, while returning to the dormitory after doing an experiment, I didn't notice that a manhole cover had disappeared and I fell right in. When I woke up, I was holding a pen and eavesdropping on the old emperor's conversation.
The eunuchs around her called her "Qidu Lang" (a title for a court attendant).
Good heavens, she actually transmigrated into the body of a dung beetle serving the emperor!
Shen Zhiyi subconsciously looked down at her body, and her once voluptuous breasts had become flat.
This is intolerable!
The first thing cattle and horses do after getting off work and going home is to castrate themselves!
But once the clothes were off, good heavens, the original owner of this body had done something really big. She actually dared to disguise herself as a man and take the imperial examination in place of her useless brother!
That's brilliant! No need to castrate myself anymore.
But we have to worry about the head on our necks.
It was bad enough that the original owner of this body participated in the imperial examination, but he actually passed it.
Not only did she win, but she also died of overjoyment, leaving her to take over the losses.
It's one thing to die suddenly, but why did he have to become a dung beetle—no, a court attendant—following the old emperor around every day?
This is like touching a tiger's tail; you could lose your life at any moment.
Shen Zhiyi was so worried that she eventually gave up and decided it would be more interesting to watch the old emperor have fun all day.
The goal is to maximize the entertainment value of the old emperor within his limited lifespan.
For example at this moment...
[It's a mystery why the old emperor suddenly kicked Consort Chen out last night. Wouldn't it be better to have someone warm the bed? But that's not important. What's important is that the great scholar is indeed a genius. He truly lives up to his name.]
The old emperor subconsciously glanced at his personal eunuch, Chen Decai, who was not far away.
Chen Decai almost knelt down on the spot.
The Vice Minister of Rites almost knelt down, because Consort Chen was his youngest daughter.
[Unexpectedly, the few eunuchs randomly chosen to escort Consort Chen back to Anning Palace happened to be the ones who picked her lovers. It's like having a pillow delivered to your head when you're sleepy, and several at once! Hehehe, the old emperor's abilities are really terrible, not even as good as those few eunuchs.]
"boom!"
It was the sound of the old emperor furiously slamming his fist on the chair.
"Wow."
It was the sound of all the ministers kneeling in the Hall of Supreme Harmony.
They just wanted to attend court properly and weren't really that interested in hearing about the emperor's abilities in certain matters.
Although I didn't understand what was happening, I just knelt down.
Shen Zhiyi knelt without any psychological burden.
Just kidding, she's not some overpowered protagonist from a popular online novel.
She's a coward who only cares about having fun; she's quicker than anyone else at kneeling down.
[Wow, Consort Chen is incredibly bold! She actually dared to do this in broad daylight, right here in the old emperor's Zichen Palace with those eunuchs! Exciting, so exciting!]
The Vice Minister of Rites kowtowed frantically, until his forehead bled.
[My God, he actually lay on the dragon bed! What audacity! What incredible courage! I'm truly impressed.]
The Vice Minister of Rites stopped kowtowing and prepared to smash his head against a pillar!
Upon seeing this, the surrounding ministers quickly stopped the man.
[Ugh, this damn system! Why did it convert the video into text again? Hurry up and turn it back into video!]
That's incredibly inconsiderate.
She's at work right now; she doesn't have the energy to read text. Watching videos is much more direct.
The mentally challenged system emitted a buzzing sound, and before it could be restored to a video, Shen Zhiyi felt a gust of wind sweep past her. When she looked up, she found that the old emperor on the dragon throne was gone.
"Eh? Where is His Majesty?"
Chen Decai was on the verge of tears, his face contorted with misery as he said, "Shen Lang, Zhang Sheren, you two hurry up and follow us."
"Yes, yes, yes."
Damn it, I almost forgot I'm the old emperor's lackey.
[On the 13th day of the ninth month of the 20th year of Emperor Taizong's reign, at the hour of Mao (5-7 AM), the court officials were astonished. Had the Emperor suddenly left the court? Or had he abruptly left? Ahhhhh, this classical Chinese is killing me! It doesn't sound like he suddenly left the main hall, but rather that he suddenly died.]
The ministers below the dragon throne all bowed their heads so low they were practically touching the ground.
Please stop talking, please stop talking.
Shen Zhiyi wiped away non-existent tears and followed the old emperor with heavy steps, accompanied by Zhang Sheren.
As soon as the group left, all the officials seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, but their eyes were still shining.
Many people have focused their attention on the Vice Minister of Rites.
The Vice Minister of Rites looked around and grabbed one of his political enemies.
"You old scoundrel, you've ruined me!"
"What do you mean I'm harming you? I'm clearly saving you."
"I bother!"
If he had succeeded in crashing into the pillar, he might have been able to save his entire family, but now he's probably facing the extermination of his entire clan.
The Vice Minister of Rites aged more than ten times in an instant.
……
Wow, Consort Chen is really ambitious; she actually wants to emulate Empress Wu Zetian and become an empress herself.
The old emperor sat on his throne, looking at Consort Chen who refused to kneel. His lips twitched involuntarily. He began to wonder if he had been acting too kind lately, giving everyone the illusion that he was easy to bully.
Chen Zhaoyi had no sense of propriety at all; she stood up straight and kept chattering away.
"Your Majesty, you are feudal, you are a landlord who should be overthrown!"
"You can have three wives and four concubines, so why can't I keep some male lovers? Just because you're a man and I'm a woman?"
"Men and women should be equal, and people should be equal to each other!"
"What Da Ye needs is freedom and democracy. Others may be willing to be your slaves, but I am not!"
Surrounded by kneeling figures, Shen Zhiyi felt a volcanic eruption in her mind.
Wait, no, what's going on here?
Sister, aren't you taking this a bit too far?
Wait a minute, why is there a copy of Marxist philosophy in this girl's room?!