Crossing the famine to find the white moonlight

Chapter 383 Ye Wan’s Self-doubt

The night in the camp was still, with only the faint sound of wind and the occasional chirping of insects. Ye Wan sat in her tent, staring at the map before her, her eyes a blank. Her mind was a tangle of thoughts, her once rock-solid faith suddenly cracking. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake the underlying anxiety.

She knew she had gradually become the backbone of the team, with every member relying on her. Xie Linchuan, in turn, viewed her as a partner and lover, trusting her judgment and willing to share everything with her. However, Ye Wan's inner unease did not dissipate with the external recognition, but instead intensified. She began to question whether she was worthy of this trust, whether she could truly stand on the same level as Xie Linchuan and move forward into the future.

She once believed she could rely on her wisdom and ability to gain a firm foothold, lead the team out of difficulties, and overcome all challenges. She had told herself that emotions were just a part of life and should not be allowed to interfere with her judgment and decision-making. However, with the appearance of Xie Linchuan and their growing intimacy, Ye Wan gradually realized that the suppressed emotions deep within her heart began to surge, becoming complex and difficult to control.

She began to fear becoming a burden to him. Xie Linchuan came from a distinguished family background, his future was limitless, while she, after all, was just a girl from a humble background, with no support. She couldn't help but wonder, if one day Xie Linchuan faced hardship because of her identity, would he choose to give up on her? Would he lose even more opportunities because of this? These questions loomed over her mind like a shadow, leaving her unable to find peace.

Ye Wan frowned, her fingertips tapping the table unconsciously as the self-doubt within her grew stronger. She had once been a confident woman, unafraid to face any challenge and unafraid of any difficulty, but now, she was beginning to waver in her abilities and her identity. This emotional tug-of-war had left her feeling more troubled than ever before. She didn't even know how to face Xie Linchuan, how to move forward with him.

To prevent her emotions from affecting her work, Ye Wan decided to temporarily distance herself and maintain a calm and rational attitude. She told herself she had to focus on the task at hand and not let her inner emotions overwhelm her. As a result, she became more rigorous and efficient, devoting all her time and energy to the team's arrangements and plans, striving to distance herself from the emotional vortex.

However, such changes soon caught Xie Linchuan's attention.

One evening, Ye Wan, as usual, patrolled the camp, examining every detail. She tried to avoid being alone with Xie Linchuan, even reducing the time they spent chatting with him. She used work as an excuse, appearing busy and fulfilled, but a sense of emptiness crept in from within.

"Wan, why are you so busy today?" Xie Linchuan's voice sounded behind her, with a hint of gentle concern.

Ye Wan was stunned, turned to look at him, and smiled slightly: "Nothing, just sorting out the action plan for tonight." Her tone was flat, trying to appear indifferent.

Xie Linchuan looked at her, his eyes slightly sank: "You have been so busy recently, it's rare to see you free. Is there something wrong?" He stood in front of her, his eyes gentle but with a hint of inquiry.

Ye Wan's heart tightened. She knew clearly that Xie Linchuan had noticed her change. Although she tried her best to hide it, her deliberate alienation could no longer be ignored.

"Nothing, just some things to deal with." She said lightly, trying her best to make her tone sound natural.

However, Xie Linchuan did not let her go easily. He said in a low voice: "Wan, I know you are not the kind of person who easily avoids problems. If you have anything on your mind, you can tell me." When he spoke, there was no blame in his tone, only deep concern.

Ye Wan lowered her head, a bitter feeling welling up in her heart. She knew she couldn't hide it any longer. She took a deep breath and finally decided to open up. At the very least, she had to tell Xie Linchuan about her inner troubles.

"Linchuan, recently I..." Ye Wan paused, the words in her heart flooding into her mind like a flood, but she was afraid that speaking out would only make everything more complicated. She bit her lip involuntarily, suppressing the emotional impulse.

"I'm afraid..." she whispered, her voice trembling. "I'm afraid that I'll be a burden to you, that I won't be able to help you more, and even that my identity and background will become an obstacle for you." She paused and looked up at Xie Linchuan. "You know, I've always known there's a gap between us, but I've never doubted myself and this relationship like I do now."

Xie Linchuan's eyes flickered with surprise when he heard this, but then they softened. He didn't rush to speak, but stood quietly beside Ye Wan, reaching out and gently holding her hand. The warm touch instantly calmed her heart.

"Wan, why do you think so?" His voice was low and gentle, as if he didn't want her to continue falling into the vortex of self-doubt. "The gap between us doesn't mean anything. What really matters is our mutual trust and tacit understanding. I choose to walk with you, not because of your high-ranking background, but because of your outstanding and trustworthy character. Your strength and wisdom are what I value most."

Ye Wan looked up at him, a hint of emotion flickering in her eyes, but the uneasiness still remained. She knew that no matter how good Xie Linchuan's words were, her inner self-doubt could not be easily dispelled by a few words of comfort.

"But what if one day this relationship becomes a burden to you in the future?" she asked in a low voice, a hint of worry in her eyes. "Will you regret it? Will you feel that I'm a burden to you?"

Xie Linchuan looked at her with a firm gaze and his tone did not waver at all: "Wan, since I have chosen to go with you, it means that I am ready to take on everything. Nothing can change my trust and feelings for you. If one day, you really feel that you can't move forward with me, that is your own choice, not mine. Our relationship is not based on our background, but on our hearts."

A warmth welled up in Ye Wan's heart, as if all her doubts and anxieties were soothed in that moment. However, she knew that her inner self-doubt wouldn't be dispelled overnight. She might be able to move forward with Xie Linchuan's support, but she still needed more time to learn how to accept herself and trust the relationship between her and Xie Linchuan.

The night was still quiet. Ye Wan lowered her head and sat there quietly, thinking about the future. However, she knew that no matter what, she was no longer alone.